My Boyfriend’s Parents Spend Recklessly, But He Still Sends Money

Dear Penny,

Both me and my sweetheart are university student abroad. We both made scholarships. We make great cash doing freelancing tasks online. He conserves his for graduate school. I conserve mine for taking a trip. 

My household is much better off than his economically. Mine wishes to spend for my graduate school, and they want to assist me whenever I remain in requirement. But his household is actually having a hard time economically. 

Neither of his moms and dads are working much today. His dad is doing little tasks hardly generating anything. His mom is a tailor, however she just makes adequate to put food on the table, and in some cases not even that. 

For 2 years, my sweetheart has actually provided cash continuously monthly. He spends for their lease and likewise provides a little allowance. He believed that his moms and dads’ circumstance is just short-lived, however I do not believe so. 

We’re preparing to get wed after college. He does not have anybody to assist him economically so he needs to work and conserve for our wedding event. I recommended that we divided the expenditure, however he stated he wishes to spend for it totally. (In our nation’s culture, the male spends for the wedding event and the female for the engagement celebration.)

His future is not protected at all, however his moms and dads continue to ask him for cash. He has actually asked to discover good tasks. He has actually even provided cash to begin a small company. But when they have cash, they invest it extravagantly (like by having relative remain in their home for months and spending for whatever). 

When they do not have cash, they ask my sweetheart for cash. He has actually spoken to them about handling their cash, however they do not appear to listen. 

A couple of months back, my sweetheart provided whatever he made for a month for them to begin their own service. He likewise informed them this was the last time he would provide cash. They accepted.

But they have not paid lease ever since, and they desire my sweetheart to pay it for them. Otherwise, the property manager will kick them out. 

My sweetheart does not understand what to do any longer, and he is asking me for guidance. I do not understand, so I’m asking you for guidance.

We are from the very same Third World nation. We’re studying abroad in an establishing nation far better off than our nation, and we are both in our 20s. 


Dear A.,

The issue here isn’t that your sweetheart sends out cash to his household every month. It’s that he’s basically provided them a blank check.

Your gut is 100% proper when it informs you that this circumstance isn’t short-lived. As long as cash amazingly appears whenever your sweetheart’s moms and dads require it, they have no reward to alter.

Since you prepare to construct a life together, you require to construct a budget plan together. That can consist of a regular monthly allowance for your sweetheart’s moms and dads that you both settle on. But it needs to be based upon what you 2 can regularly pay for, not what they’re requesting for in any provided month. If your sweetheart doesn’t set company limitations with his moms and dads, their requirements will demolish every cent the 2 of you make.

This pattern will be challenging for your sweetheart to break. If he can pay for to assist his moms and dads capture up on lease, I’ll unwillingly state he can save his moms and dads one last time — however just if he makes it clear to them what their allowance will be progressing.

He ought to advise them of this limitation often. At the very first reference of any difficulties, he requires to reiterate it prior to they even request more cash. Maybe he might make plans to pay the property manager lease straight. At least your sweetheart might feel at ease understanding that his moms and dads’ bad options won’t endanger the roofing over their heads.

The hard part about stating “no” is accepting the repercussions. Your sweetheart’s moms and dads will certainly lay on the regret. Even more difficult is accepting the repercussions that they might deal with. Your sweetheart’s moms and dads might not have the ability to manage their expenditures if they invest extravagantly. The chances of them altering are small as long as the household ATM keeps spitting out money.

Since your household remains in a much better monetary position, lean into them and accept the assistance they’re willing to offer. You ought to buck custom and let your household aid with wedding event expenses. Doing so will put your sweetheart in a much better position both to assist his moms and dads and construct a life with you.

While this circumstance is difficult, I believe your sweetheart seems like a great partner. He plainly enjoys his household, however simply as crucial is the reality that he appreciates your viewpoint. The reality that he’s asking you for guidance rather of attempting to fix this issue on his own bodes well for your future together.

Robin Hartill is a licensed monetary organizer and a senior author at The Penny Hoarder. Send your difficult cash concerns to [email protected].


A news media journalist always on the go, I've been published in major publications including VICE, The Atlantic, and TIME.

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